The Bus Stops.

Hi Every one, It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.

Iona started Taekwondo before Christmas and seems to be really enjoying it. Her concentration is amazing. She’s just determined to get beyond my belts! Shouldn’t take her long. We’ll see. Also she’s just had her first piano lesson. All week of practicing middle C..! She’s doing very well at school still and seems happy.

This blog as you all know was Vicky’s idea from the start. Just another One of her brilliant inspired ideas I might add. Of course none of us knew just how cruelly short it would end up being. However, I can say watching her face light up each time she read the comments funny or otherwise was just as important as any medicine. As I’m sure it was for those of you that wrote comments, helping and supporting via the blog was your way of coping. Having said that a lot of you never did write anything for whatever reason it was a help for you too, just to read the blog. To be on the journey.

I still think of Vicky every day. Each time I look at Iona, see the photographs of Vicky around the flat or hear a certain song. With Iona, I sometimes think what Vicky would do now, how would Vicky handle this situation or would Vicky think I was doing a good job. Of course I never get an answer, but I try and just be the man she knew. I always will. Our journey is still ongoing. Some of you have followed this last year or so via the blog, but sadly I feel it time to stop writing now.

It’s gone so fast. I’d never of thought that blow drying a little girl’s hair could be so satisfying! I’ve learned to cope with running a home (that won’t mean much too many guys reading this), juggle a full time job, school holidays, and most importantly keep Iona happy, secure and loved. Without doubt, an even tougher task if it wasn’t for help. Joan, Anna & Ed, Jacqui & Shane, Mark & Jo, John & Margot, Helen & Andy, both Hannah’s, and Emma. Many more of you, I can’t name you all, but phone calls, cards, emails and visits from so many. Every one of you helping in different ways. Amazing all of you.

I will save this Blog so Iona can look back in years to come and be able see just what a unique woman Vicky was. It takes somebody truly special to be loved by so many people. So I end with saying one last huge thank you to everybody for logging on, reading, posting a comment and being there for Vicky, Iona and me.

Lots of Love

Martin & Iona X

November

Hi All

I couldn’t write earlier just found it a little difficult. It was a tough week for all of us I’m sure. I felt the pressure of the painful memories building up.

Iona was well aware of the significance. But didn't show it outwardly. I did try and see if she’d want to do anything in particular on Friday, not surprisingly for those of you that know her, she flatly refused. Which was fine. Friday is my day for picking Iona up from school and we did some cooking! (Thanks Margot great children’s cooking utensils &cook book). We did look at some family photos after and that was nice. Then Iona had the Colston’s Spooky Disco. Iona took her broom, cape and mask. Far to cute, to be a scary Witch. Well, I am biased. Finally, a sleepover at Orla’s. Those two are such good little friends.

I went out on the Friday evening with Jacqui, Hannah and Shane. We decided to go to the Deco Lounge. It was where Vicky had her 40th Birthday Party. We raised a glass or two. Chatting with Jacqui, it did dawn on me how the last year has changed some many people’s lives. And how we have all had to live with the huge empty void that is life without Vicky.

Emma Gray came down over that weekend. We took Iona down to the Waterfront on Saturday. One of Vicky’s favourite parts of the City. We took a moment to drop some flowers in the Dock, remembering mummy. Iona was worried if people saw us throwing flowers in, but it was ok. Iona helped drop a few into the water. Felt, I want to say comforting but it doesn’t sound enough. It just felt appropriate to do that.

Iona then showed us round the SS Great Britain. Joan had taken her there earlier in the year and Iona loved it. In fact, for a Bristolian I have to say I’d never been on board. It was fab. All of you at Destination Bristol must be proud. Well worth a look if any of you visit our lovely City! After Woodstock Rd of course!

The Destination Bristol Girlies had some pink cakes last Friday which was a great way to mark the day. (Sorry I couldn’t get there!) We had lots of very lovely texts, phone calls, poems, cards, and flowers. Thank you to all of you.

A year passed. I know you all miss her terribly, as we do. One thing I do know she’d be very proud of her little girl. Like I am.

Lots of love

Martin & Iona x

The summer 2008

Hi Everyone

I know, long time since my last post but here I am. Better not talk weather, and lost summers.
As I told you all in my last blog I had to plan the summer childcare carefully. And the good news is, it worked out really well.

Iona went to Edinburgh at the start of the holidays, and then stayed with Helen & Andy for a week in Southport. Iona enjoyed every minute there. They did lots of activities, from the Zoo, Liverpool and the great Super lamb Banana hunt, Duck tours and cooking ( nice touch Helen getting a six year to cook for you ! ).. Great Helen & Andy thanks.

From that week I picked Iona up and we flew to Portugal from Edinburgh with Anna, Ed, Ewan and Catlin. Stayed in the Algarve. Very hot, very lovely apartment. A week of chilling out with no phones, targets or stress! Sooo needed.

I stayed in Edinburgh on our return for a week. Took in a few shows with friends at the Fringe. Thanks Emma. Ed and I had planned to watch the 20/20 International vs South Africa in Durham. However,the summer had other ideas. But we’d already booked our hotel and train so we had a night out in Newcastle instead.
Joan took Iona to see High School Musical Theatre show, which even Joan said was a great production and was almost singing along.

Iona had her Birthday in Edinburgh. I flew back up especially just to spend her Birthday with her. So in between Joans, Anna's and holiday we all made it through the summer holidays.

Now Iona is in the juniors!! Her new teacher is Mrs Randell. Iona has been with the same group of children since nursery but this year they split both classes up. Iona was a little apprehensive to be joining the newly mixed class, but her nerves were short lived and she’s made some new friends and the invites for tea after school are flowing! She gets homework now and still gets spelling tests each week. Boo Hoo she’d say. She’s such a book worm. Its pointless going to Waterstones and getting a book, unless it’s going to take her more than the journey home to read it! She's such a speedy reader.

Iona’s Birthday party in Bristol went well. Hawks gym again. Vicky and I had agreed last year it was such a success we’d do the same again this year. 23 children running wild all over the equipment having a great time.. Joan, Anna and Ed helped with the Gym party, but I was on my own for the ‘sleepover’, not just any sleepover but the mother of all sleep overs. In the weeks prior Iona started with inviting 3..then 4.. then got me to agree to 5 (very weak moment, show these kids a glimpse of weakness and they’re in).. Anyway after the gym party, 5 of her friends came back to Woodstock for a sleepover. I know a few thought I was biting off more than I could chew. I was confident (well I didn’t show any nerves or weakness to the parents or children about the impending mayhem). But with 6 seven year olds, pizza and a DVD the night past off without drama. I bought some pink helium balloons and got the girls to decorate the labels and we had a Birthday Launch Party. Still hasn’t had a response, if any of you find one you’ll see my email address let me know please, there is a prize. By 10.45pm all the girls were sound asleep.. phew and by 11pm so was I...

I’ve been injured through the summer and haven’t been running much. Achilles tendonitis to be exact. Just starting to get back into the running now actually. I’m going to run the Cardiff Half Marathon in a few weeks with a few parents from Colstons. http://www.justgiving.com/colstons4stpeters if you can help?

So here we are, September and fast approaching the first anniversary of our loss. It does hit home the firsts? For you all too I’m sure. First Christmas, New Year, holidays, summer and Birthdays without Vicky and any poignant date that you’d remember her by. I take strength from you all, supporting me. Thanks for the comments, messages, phone calls and letters they mean a lot.

More soon

Martin x

July Update..

Hi Everyone

Almost July.. Time flies doesn’t it? What’s been happening since my last blog? Hmm well two weddings, a Wembley final, and Colstons parents camp.. And lots more..

Sarah & Skip got married early May, and it was such a lovely day. It was a long day for a six year old but she did great. They got married at Cadbury Country Club which was amazing. It meant a lot to be there with Iona, thanks S & S. Hope you two lovebirds are ok back in Oz. Skip officially the funniest Australian I’ve ever met, well apart from Adam Hills that is..

Joan was in Bristol the whole month of May, which was so helpful. Jo the nanny was away for two weeks.

Bristol City went to Wembley, we were almost in the Premiership.. But not quite. Brilliant day out though. Thanks Bro. Championship football next season.

My big girl was 18! I know I know I just don’t look old enough.. thanks.. Or is it Laura looks older for her age? We all went out for her Birthday which was fun. She's off on her first holiday without adult supervision.. what out Turkey..!

End of May, Hannah & Rich got married. At Priston mill near Bath. They played the Proclaimers ‘lets get married’ as Hannah walked down the aisle. Perfect. Really was a memorable day. I remember Vicky and me watching the Proclaimers at Glastonbury. We had such a giggle that night. Lots of cool bands playing, we decided the only place to be was with the Proclaimers tent. Hotcin! Good choice Hannah for a wedding song.

In between all of the above we went to see Margot and John, Sue & Roger. Joan had a small gathering at her flat (still keeping it for a while longer yet) it was to say just to thank all of you who were so kind when she was setting up the flat back last year.

We’re going to Portugal this summer with Anna & Ed. Iona is spending a week with Helen & Andy, and a few weeks in Edinburgh. That just about covers the summer holidays.

Last weekend a group of us from Colstons School went camping. A lovely farm close to Tintern Abbey. It was a bit hit and miss with the weather but all the kids enjoyed themselves. Tree swings and balls games for them and a camp fire and alcohol for us grownups. Well I say grownups we were drinking until the small hours and should have known better, kiddie winks were up dead early and some of us were suffering the next day!

Off shopping tomorrow, Iona is in a school play (she’s playing a worker) we need a hard hat and a tool belt? I know a lot of you still log on to catch up with us here in Bristol but don’t leave a message, which is fine.

Love to you all.

Martin & Iona xx

Somebody wants to wear sandals..!

Well in early March we had parents evening, Joan was down here then, and it was good she came along to. Mr Jarman said Iona is doing very well, and he has noticed not too much of a change in her. Which was surprising considering? He even said she’s started to get more vocal in class discussions.

I did the Bath Half in a respectable time, nobody in fancy dress beat me which was pleasing! Got some races lined up for the summer.

Easter was fun. I visited a friend in Leighton Buzzard and then went up to Helen & Andy’s in Southport. Helen did a wonderful Easter egg hunt through the house! Leaving little clues all over the place, Iona loved it. And went to Chester Zoo. What a Zoo that is! Spent the whole day there. Lovely.

As you know Iona and I have been visiting the Bridge Foundation. Iona just listens whilst drawing.. but takes it ALL in... You know children, they pick things up when they’re not even in the same room usually don’t they?... I talk about things, every now and then Iona pops up and corrects me if I get the slightest detail wrong.

St. Peters hospice also has a children’s group, spread over the next 8 weeks. It’s for Children who have lost a parent or someone significant. The first day was in March, about 14 children their ages from 4- 16. Iona really didn’t want me to leave but with a little help from Judy Marshall I managed to ‘escape’.Its a all day event, and they go on a ‘journey’ through what they’ve all shared in one way or another. It’s nothing to heavy of course, lots of art work, music, dancing and playing. Iona didn’t complain when I picked her up anyway. Above all it’s helpful for Iona to see she’s not the only child who has lost someone and there are other children going through what she is. They all placed a picture of the special person at a ‘memory tree’ at the end of the day. Two more dates are planned.

Had small drama a few weeks ago. I had a call at one o’clock in the afternoon from the school. The school secretary told me Iona had a bad fall and hurt her head. She said it was really quite bad and could I collect her. The strangest thing happened as she finished telling me.. I remember thinking to myself (albeit for a second) what’s wrong with calling Vicky to collect her? Why call me? Then felt very silly for thinking that. She was still crying when I got there. Iona doesn’t normally cry for that long unless it’s bad. I took her to the Doctors for a check. Iona just couldn’t remember how it happened or who she was playing with and was wobbly on her feet... anyway no lasting damage.

I took last week off and spent a lovely week with Iona. Actually looked after Ella, one of Ony's school friends for a few days. Horse world, horse riding and swimming. Legoland for a couple of days. Laura came to which was nice.

My brother and I helped out with the London Marathon, whilst Ony stay with my sister in law in Cambridge for the weekend.

Joan is down this week and has been occupying her all week. Joan is keeping the flat for a while longer.

I’ve got two Stags do’s..This weekend and next! Get in! Mountain biking this Saturday in Wales and strangely enough the next Stag weekend is up to Edinburgh. Hannah Marsh & Rich are getting married late May and Sarah & Andrew (Skip) in a few weeks.

Hope all you I don’t speak to regularly are all fine.

Oh I called this entry ‘Someone wants to wear sandals’ because I have got some new sandals for Iona (Boden of course very Vicky) and she’s just so desperate to start wearing them, I get asked every day Very soon I hope!

Love

Martin & Iona x

February Update

Hi All

Thought it was time for a quick update. February was a little glimpse of what things will be like in the future for Iona & me. Joan went back to Edinburgh at the start of the month. So it was just Iona and me for a few weeks. Which was fine. The Nanny is working out really well. Jo picks Iona up from school 3 days a week. Jo does her supper and I get home about 7pm. No real issues at all.

Although Iona did take a real tumble on the way home, whilst scooting down by the park. Cuts & bruises on elbows and knees, Jo felt bad when she told me what had happened, Iona just wanted to show me her scars and plasters! Occupational hazard for a six year old daredevil.

What with school friends Birthdays, sleepovers and going to friends for tea on Thursdays (thank you and you know how you are) Iona has had a busy time of it! Oh and not forgetting another horse riding lesson with her best friend Orla. The month flew by. The last week of February was half term. We flew up to Edinburgh on the Saturday, I left Iona up with Joan and came back the next day.

Yet another lovely week for Iona. What with catching up with her cousins, swimming,meeting Georgia (school friend) and a trip to the theatre (to see Lazytown) it work out well. As it always does, she loves Dick Place. Joan then drove her back last Sunday.

I did make the most of my ‘Free Time’ I went out 5 of the 7 nights! Well, can you blame me? No babysitter, that’s a twenty pound saving per night out! I Went to Football, ‘come on you Reds!’ out with the school dads, work colleagues, and Shane. I’m getting fairly fit for the Bath Half Marathon in a few weeks, it won’t be a PB that’s for sure.

I went to the Bridge foundation to talk about Vicky a couple of times in February, and it was good. I’m going there with Iona next week. Iona has been talking about Vicky a little more recently. Just asking a couple of questions. Nothing more than that. I answer them as honestly as I can. Of course it's Mothers Day Sunday. Lovely Helen did suggest a few things we could do to remember V, I’ll update you next time.

Thanks Ali Bradshaw for the really lovely ‘Saha Mum’s photo Album’.

Love

Martin & Iona X

Mid January..

Hi every one
This month has seemed to fly by hasn’t it? I know a lot of you have asked me to blog just to keep you updated with things.

Well, good news, I’ve found a Nanny to help with a few days after school. (Thanks again Diana). Her name is Jo. She’s an absolute find I have to say. She works in the lunch times at Archfield nursery (Iona spent 4 very happy years there), although Jo has only worked there the last year. Iona and Jo get along very nicely. Joan and I really like her to. Early days I know but fingers crossed. She was with her last family for nine years!

I do keep watching out for Iona to show some noticeable reaction to the last couple of months. It’s hard to see anything really out of the ‘norm’. I’ve decided to go to the Bridge foundation, they deal with bereaved families. I want to get some useful advice on what I should be experiencing with Iona, and things I probably will in the future. They must be good, you’ve got to wait weeks & weeks to see anybody! Don’t know if you remember Vicky and I were booked into the Bridge last year, we had an appointment in early November! Anyway a little professional help and advice is always welcome.

Joan is still here in Bristol, helping with lots of things. I had to go on a course last week for a few days, to improve my management skills. Some of my team said 3 days wouldn’t be enough! And 3 years would be more like it!.. Anyway Iona stayed round at Joan's flat, which is such an invaluable help. She has the flat until May. By then I should be into some sort of routine. And remember the fact that clothes don’t wash themselves,things stay where they’re left unless put away and the fridge needs filling. Also school holidays, never bothered me before, funny that? Trying to get cover is a new one on me, Joan to the rescue.

The school mums & dads are still being great. I’ve said it before but it’s worth saying again I know I can count on so many of them for practical or emotional support. It’s so reassuring. Thanks.

This weekend Iona, Laura (my daughter) and I went to Hartland, North Devon. Jacqui & Shane invited us down with their neighbours. Stayed in an amazing farm house. Children and hay bells in a barn, who needs PS3 or Nintendo Wii ? All of the children had a great time. If the kids are happy then we’re happy right ? ‘Lovely lovely lovely’ to quote VW.

Much love

Martin & Iona X.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Hello All,

Update from me, things have settled down since our 'dog napping' saga. With the Christmas build up this December as gone very quickly. In the weeks leading up to Christmas I tried to keep busy sorting Iona's pressies and doing all the things us guys normally take for granted. Apologies if any men reading this and think hang on a minute I do as much as anyone!, but I admit I said that because I normally get off lightly on the Christmas organising. I'm not complaining though, it was a focus that took my mind of things.

Iona and I chose a lovely tree, she did a fab job decorating it. I thought I'd have to redo it once she was in bed but no, it looked fab.

Joan returned to Edinburgh a few days before Christmas with Iona, Laura and I went up on the 23rd. It was the first time in 9 years I was going to spend Christmas day with Laura! usually I'd see her just for a few hours. Laura gets on well with Helen ( Diarmids daughter) and they went out all day Christmas Eve shopping, well and a two hour lunch apparently!

Anna and Ed offered to do Christmas lunch and we all gathered at there house. Well done both of you, it was great. Dick Place would've been difficult without Vicky around on Christmas day. In fact it was extremely hard being in Edinburgh without her. I've never been there without Vic. I was awash with emotions. I miss her so much, and being up there it magnified this void. Time I know will heal. I have to believe that.

Iona was very excited I'm pleased to say though. The arrival of a fat man with a white beard, who drinks at every stop whilst in charge of reindeer's still did its magic. Christmas morning we opened all her presents from Father Christmas and the rest Anna's later. Iona is spending New Year with Joan. She loves being up in Edinburgh. Except maybe when Frankie finds a box of chocolates, eats 16!! yes 16 and gets dog sick. Not pretty.

Thanks for all your cards and messages of support. Diana, huge thanks to you for putting me in touch with Jo, great help. Next year will soon be upon us and I wish you all a very happy 2008. I will continue to blog, to keep you up to date with this new Journey.

Martin X

Dog Nappers!

Hi All

We had some drama here this weekend. Joan was out shopping on Friday afternoon, she’d taken Frankie with her, tied her up when she popped into a shop. When she came out after only being there for a minute or two, Frankie was nowhere to be seen. As luck would have it a community police woman was walking passed. Joan ran up to her and explained the dog was gone. Then to her utter horror the policewoman said she’d just seen a couple walking passed her with a small dog under his jacket!

They both searched in vain for this couple, but eventually had to stop as there was no sign of them. Joan was so upset. As we all were. So Joan call the local paper to see if they’d put a small piece about Frankie. Well when the reporter found out there was a very human side to this story he wanted pictures. And we thought if it was going to help, why not?

A photographer came round late on Friday night and took a pictures of Iona & Joan holding a picture of Frankie. He had to take a few pictures, because Iona wanted to smile! Not good for the heart strings a happy child who’s just lost her favourite dog in the whole wide world!!

On Saturday morning Joan, Iona and I went to the Gloucester Road with posters, and successfully persuaded shop keepers to put them in their windows. We all felt so helpless. Dogs home on standby. We managed the school Christmas fair.

No sooner had we got back home Saturday evening I had a call from a man saying he’d found Frankie that morning. He was very difficult to understand, I thought he sounded drunk. I did eventually get his address, only after he asked me about the reward! And saying my first offer wasn’t much! Now I wasn’t sure if I was being held to ransom, but we just wanted Frankie back. Could this 60 year old man be the mastermind behind it all? Or did he just find Frankie that moring? Paid him anyway.. 10 minutes later Frankie was in the back of my car going bonkers and licking Iona to bits!

Phew! Our emotions were absolutely shot! We were all over joyed to have her back. Joan has vowed never to leave Frankie outside a shop again.

The end!

The generosity from you all was amazing and you donated over £1,650 for St. Peters Hospice and £750 for Zimbabwe Association. Thank you.

I’m not bothering watching Sports personality this year doesn’t seem quite so interesting without V telling me who’s going to win and who shouldn't. Joan is helping so much at the moment which has taken a lot of pressure of me. Well, when she's not trying to get into the papers that is !

Hope you’re all ok.

Martin x.

Memorable Day

It's still quite unbelievable.. The cold fact that Vicky is no longer going to brighten up my days. Looking back over the last six weeks it all went so fast. It does really seem all blurry.
From some small sense of excitement of getting away for a holiday, to this bleak emptiness is really hard. Events unfolding, feeling so so out of control with no way of stopping any of it.

I am thankful for the support I received. I want to start naming you all, but then I run the risk of missing some people out. So I’ll just say a global thank to you all.

The Funeral was so hard. All week I talked myself into thinking I’d be ok. Soon as I arrived, surges of emotion welled up from deep. Glad I did that poem, without going to pieces.Phew that was tough. When I see acts of such kindness it really gets to me. Forgive me if I was a little vague at times but.. Can you imagine just how hard it is to remember all of you? It’s not easy when I knew that you were a really good friend of Vicky’s but I’d only met you once or twice!! And so many of you!! Some of you drove a long way to be there, early starts, we did appreciate it.

From the comments I received everybody thought it was ‘memorable’ it’s hard to use words like lovely, nice and great when you’re describing a funeral. But I know what people meant .Vicky did choose most of what happened on the day. That’s planning for you! And we did try not to waver from that. The people that spoke gave a different perspective from there experiences with Vicky and that gave a really interesting, sometimes funny but very personal interpretation of Vicky. I hope you agree it work well. Iona sat next to her best friend Orla. They didn’t move, just sat and listened. Fab.

I said earlier I didn’t want to thank anybody in particular but I do want to say something about Colstons School. It more that a place of learning for our children, or a great primary school. I certainly haven’t experienced anything like it. With out exception, all you Mums and Dads have been just fantastic. From offers of childcare, Food parcels, the visits, it goes on and on.. All of you with your love and genuine support has made this last year easier to endure. No pressure but I hope that continues.

A lot of you asked me about Iona, well at the moment we haven’t seen an out pouring of grief. She’s six. What can we expect? Who really knows? All we can do is be there when she does need support. Margot gave Iona a beautiful memory box today and a memory book. The book asked questions like what were mummies likes / dislikes. Favourite foods and more direct things regarding death and she wrote quite candid responses. It’s important she knows she has nothing to fear about her future, and with the help of our family and friends we know she has nothing to fear.

We haven’t had chance to sort all of your generous donations yet but will get back to you in the near future.

Martin X

Further Details

Thank you all who have sent such kind messages to us either online or in other ways. We have wanted to make the most of our farewell to Vicky and so with heavy hearts have turned our mind to her funeral arrangements. Like her we hope these will be a little different!

The funeral will be held at Memorial Woodlands, Earthcott Green, Alveston, Bristol on Saturday 24th November. You can find a printable map at http://www.memorialwoodlands.com/contactus.php. There will be a secular service in the chapel there, starting at 11am. After this Vicky's immediate family will then accompany her body to the local crematorium for a short committal ceremony, before we return to join you all.

We hope that everybody will stay and share the food and drink that will be provided in the reception rooms at Memorial Woodlands until and after we rejoin you. We intend to provide mementos of Vicky's life and exploits there and hope that you too will bring along anything you would like to share that will help keep her memory with us. There will also be a Book of Remembrance for you to add tributes.

We have the whole of the Memorial Woodlands site for ourselves until 5.30pm, so hope to get the chance to see you all.

Instead of sending flowers we would prefer that if you wish to do so you make a donation to St Peter's Hospice who cared so compassionately for Vicky and us in her last days. The facility to do this will be provided at the funeral.

Love from Diarmid and Martin

Stop all the Clocks...

We know that you are all waiting for more news, and all of you are dreading the message that leaves all of us shattered and empty, and will change our lives completely. But we are so sorry to let you all know that our dearest, lovely Vicky died this morning at 3.15am. She fought a very brave fight but was, thankfully, pain-free at the end. She wasn’t on her own as Martin, Anna, Diarmid and Kerstin were with her while Joan was unselfishly looking after Iona. Afterwards Kerstin swapped roles with Joan, allowing Joan to see Vicky.

Vicky’s last thoughts were on her dearest Iona. Vicky was clearly put at ease as Anna showed her pictures of her lovely girl.

We are now arranging the funeral, but as you know this takes some time. We will gather in Memorial Woodlands (www.memorialwoodlands.com) on Saturday 24th November. We will tell you the final details as soon as we know them.

With love from Vicky’s family

New surroundings

As Vicky's brother (Diarmid, special request blogger!) I have been given the task of making sense of the last few days. As a doctor myself by training, it can be difficult to separate the medical facts from the emotional response.

Readers of Martin's last blog will know that the news was very bad last week. During the holiday to Spain Vicky became very ill very quickly and the scan on her return showed that the cancer had spread to the lining of the brain and the spinal cord. This is not only very difficult to treat effectively but causes extremely unpleasant symptoms of awful headaches, neck stiffness and vomiting. It's really a low grade meningitis.

The priority for Vicky has therefore been to reduce inflammation and swelling around the brain and relieve her headaches and sickness. It has taken some time to really get this under control, with a terrible up and down 2 or 3 days, during which her immediate family (Joan, Anna, myself and my wife Kerstin and my kids) have travelled to be with her, but with injections of steroids, strong painkillers and anti-sickness drugs, she is now alternating between relaxed sleep and times of alertness, when she is her usual funny and strong-willed self, generally trying to get the family organised!

This morning Vicky was moved with her consent to St Peter's Hospice, where the surroundings are much more relaxed than the Oncology Unit and the focus is very much on maximising the pleasure Vicky and her family can get from what are almost certain to be her last few days or weeks.

She seems to be wonderfully calm and concerned more for her family and friends than herself, dispensing hugs to her nephew and niece (Helen and Andrew), among others today. Iona seems to be understanding and participating in her own way what is going on, and her smiling and laughter with her cousins has been a great comfort to us all.

Over the last few days we owe many thanks to many people (particularly but not exclusively!) Jackie, Hannah, Shane and particularly from me and Andrew, Skye the cat.

Thanks for all of your very kind messages. As ever we are relaying them to Vicky.

Diarmid X

Back from Holiday with news...

Ok all you passengers where do I start?

We got back from Spain last night, as you know we hoped it was going to a really relaxing break however things didn’t go to plan..

Vicky had travelled to Spain without too much difficulty, Heathrow to Barcelona then to Almeria. The next day V was naturally a bit tired so we didn’t do much at all. From the Monday things started to go down hill. She felt very nauseas and began to be sick regularly. A couple of days later she developed some nagging headaches.
Of course she took anti sickness and paracetamol but to no avail.

All she could manage was to stay wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa or in bed. We did try and go out a few times just to a beach but that was not much fun for V. Something was seriously wrong.
Iona and Joan made the most of it though. Joan got straight in the sea and Iona played nicely. We did try a small venture to some shops but Vicky we noticed was getting very unsteady on her feet! That was a bit alarming coupled with her headaches.

We really were getting worried and pondered the possibility of getting flights home. Vicky just couldn’t keep anything down. So she text Dr Braybrooke. We are very lucky to have such an approachable consultant on this bus, and he rang back. He suggested Vicky take some steroids. This did help. And Vicky’s headaches in the Day time did subside so did the nausea.

The night time was a very different matter though, as the steroids wore off and back came the sickness and painful headaches. We didn’t sleep much at all the last three of four days.

It was such a shame because Joan had picked a beautiful house. It was up in the hills with fab pool and stunning views. Iona was amazing. On the few sunny days we did swim a lot in the pool. She has a small dingy and was the master of the waves. You wouldn’t go near her the way she swung the oars about! Other days Joan took her out on walks, or she read.

The journey home was difficult, Joan (speaks V good Spanish) to the rescue though and she organised a wheel chair from the plane at Barcelona and Heathrow. Might have been last of the plane but straight through the queues at security.. Phew, no way Vicky would have stood for that amount of time. It was Joans birthday to.. typical V more worried about spoiling it than worrying about herself.

Dr B had organised a MRI scan for today (Monday 9am) and wants her in hospital for a while. Chemotherapy is on hold, was due Thursday. We have a meeting with him at the hospital later this afternoon.

I WROTE THAT FIRST PART EARLIER.. This is post meeting….

Vicky’s scan confirmed our worst nightmare. The Cancer is back in the brain. It’s very difficult to put into words what we are feeling now. Dr Braybrooke words were "this is extremely worrying". Radiotherpy isn't an option. Vicky definitely didn’t want me to mention any time scales and I won’t, but things have taken the most serious turn for the worse.

I Want to say a big thanks to Jacqui & Shane solid as ever.

Please keep blogging. I will print all your comments and take them in to show Vicky.
She is going to be in there until next week. Then hopefully home Tuesday.

And we'll take it from there.

I will keep you updated.

Martin X.


Help needed: Joan is moving to Bristol for a while, we need to rent a flat, in Bs6, 1 or 2 Bed, Furnished, and accommodate a small dog, if any of you have a contact in letting then please can you pass them our details. Thanks.

STOP PRESS!

The holiday is on. Dr B just rang and said this morning's blood results are good enough to go. I'm sure the travelling will be an effort but well worth it. I'll now have my treatment when we get back on Thursday 1st November. Perhaps, things are looking up at last.

Vicky x

All change!

No treatment tomorrow. My bloods are shot again - haemaglobin is down to 7.7 (should be between 11.5 - 14.5) and my platelets are a ridiculous 14 when they should be at least 100. Even my white count isn't very impressive considering I'm having the wonder drug Neulasta. On a positive note, the blood tests showed that my liver function has improved which is great news and my first subscription Grazia arrived today! (Thanks Lizzie) We have also been cheered by the generous food parcels which have been arriving on the doorstep - thank you Jacqui and Shane, Helen and Diana. I must admit that Martin has thoroughly enjoyed them!

To be honest, I was quite relieved to hear the blood results - I can't describe how awful I've been feeling pretty much since my last treatment. Sorry if you thought I was out and about enjoying myself - the truth is I've hardly even managed to get to school to pick Iona up and I do miss the playground mums and dads. I've had so little energy, not much appetite and nausea too. Added to all this I've now developed lymphoedema in my right arm. It's definitely all now starting to get me down and Dr B is sending me to see Dr Brennan, a psychologist on Wednesday. To make me feel even more miserable, I struggled to Fat Face on Sunday, couldn't even face trying anything on, spent nothing while Martin merrily splashed out £100!!! Poor Martin - I'm so grumpy at the moment...except when other people are around!! Claire and Katie, two of my oldest school friends, made a flying visit last weekend, Katie before she heads off to Nepal and Claire battled here through the Friday night traffic from Milton Keynes. An impressive effort!

Abigail, Hannah, Jacqui and my planned weekend away was reduced to a night round here - lovely as always to spend time with the girls but not long enough.

So, we don't know where we stand with our Spanish holiday - Dr B has always been very keen for us to go but has now expressed reservation if my platelet count is still low so we won't know what we're doing until the end of the week after another blood transfusion. Martin is keeping quiet on this matter as our flight clashes with the Rugby World Cup Final!!

Iona is on fine form and seems to be taking it all in her stride. She's now quite used to seeing her mother lying flat out on the sofa under a blanket!!

Vicky xx

After the MMM

Well, I wasn't looking forward to MMM on Tuesday, the multi-coloured triple dose of chemo no 3. But it passed off completely uneventfully. Nicky hid the syringes from me! And it was great - no pain, no nausea, no rainbow wee...and a full meal afterwards! Martin even felt bold enough to go out to the cricket nets with the school dads.

Martin deserves a few nights out - he has been in real super-hero mode lately, looking after me and Iona and the cat (in no partcular order!!). Plus it's student time at work and they are all desperate for Virgin Media services so he's working silly hours and the other team leader chose last weekend to wrap himself and his high speed motorbike round a van on the M32 so he's out of action for 10 weeks with some nasties to his leg.

So, I wait to see what side effects the MMM is going to throw at me - so far, so good. Yesterday (Wednesday) I had more energy than I have in a long while. Having said that it's still a huge effort to get up the hill from school..but I did manage a few jobs round the house...probably a few too many judging by how I feel today. I must pace myself better. When I learn how to do that, I'll let you know!!! A weekend of rugby watching will be a good start!

More soon.

Vicky xx

Coming back to life...!

Well, I can honestly say that I've been out of it for the last couple of weeks - it has been an effort to do anything...so I've done nothing!! Fortunately, Mum was here and then Anna came down and took over. My main concern is that I haven't set foot in Iona's bedroom for nearly two weeks and I am dreading what awaits me!

Anna came with me to my work retirement party on Friday lunchtime. Through the week I was really worried whether I would make it there at all but I did...just...and it was a lovely occasion. My boss said a few words, the Chair of the Board said a few words and I said a few words and everyone just about kept their emotions in check. Can't say the same for my nausea and I did have to make a quick dash for the loos!!! Smart Hotel du Vin loos - could be worse!!

My colleagues have been fantastically generous and we now have a voucher for a family photography session and, suffice to say, you will soon be seeing me in an all new Fat Face winter wardrobe!! They also put together a hilarious scrap book with all sorts of embarrassing photos and anecdotes - I do wonder if I stayed there too long!!

So, I've now left work - in fact, today is the first day of my retirement. Sadly, it's a bit wet for gardening!

I've been waiting to see how I felt before deciding on whether to start my MMM treatment tomorrow but I've decided to go for it and get started. I'll let you know how it goes.

Vicky xx

Highs and Lows

Well, where to start.....?

Your blog comments these last few days have brought tears to my eyes - as I lay on the sofa the days before going into hospital, I felt so awful, I was sure I was on my way. It was actually quite a relief to be admitted to the oncology centre. Then I got all tearful again when I thought I was going home on Saturday - my neutrophylls had shot up to 9 - only to be told that they'd discovered a bug in my blood cultures and I couldn't go home until Sunday.

Anyway, being in hospital, we saw Dr Braybrooke sooner than expected and he gave us my scan results - the news is mixed and a bit disappointing. The tumours on my brain have responded well to the treatment but the ones on my liver haven't unfortunately. I feel that I ought to be devastated but I'm just so glad that my brain has responded to the treatment. What it means is all change to my treatment from the beginning of October. Dr B is going to give me a triple combination called MMM, which I'll have every two weeks. He'll give it three treatments then scan again. He still believes there's something he can try. Let's hope so.

Vicky x

Irregular Post

Right guys, guest editor while big vicks is slightly indisposed up St Michaels Hill. This is coming from Grove Road where Martin and I are having the odd Groslsh (spelling boy - that's a hundred lines) or two whilst contemplating the price of bread and why Newcastle did so badly against Derby on Monday. Vicks having the works thrown at her, IV fluids, Cef and Met antibiotics and even some granulocyte stimulating growth factor - (pretty pricey) to make her white cells perk up a bit. Vicks is likley to be in the oncology centre until at least early next week. Plenty of support in the offing, Joan is in Bristol, Jac has just moved into the office next door to the ward, Anna on the way down and we had a call from Abs tonight and she is planning a stealth visit early next week. Big Martin doing well, though the state of his bowels after tonight's super chilli may affect the coming week.

Congratulations to Hannah, the good news is that she managed to smuggle a very handy salad into Vicks to supplement her meagre rations, and, on top of that a big pillow. The slightly unfortunate news is that Hannah's car was CCTV'ed in a consultant's parking space and the security team are on her tail (plus the entire UBHT consultant community).

Big thanks to Sarah who popped in earlier today and found Vicks sleeping. Some of you may not know but S edit the hit BBC series "who do you think you are?" mag. I think the answer you were looking for is "Vicky Weir" and she comes from Scotland (though she does have a lot of Sassernach blood in her these days).

Martin has v kindly bought V 3 pairs of pyjamas on the basis that at least 2 pairs would be unacceptable.

Anyway, looks like results imminent so will keep you all posted.

OK, got to go now, Jacqui back and unable to write without censorship - will keep you all posted on irregular basis - lots of love (lets hope I remember the passwords) Shane Martin and Jacqui