Somebody wants to wear sandals..!

Well in early March we had parents evening, Joan was down here then, and it was good she came along to. Mr Jarman said Iona is doing very well, and he has noticed not too much of a change in her. Which was surprising considering? He even said she’s started to get more vocal in class discussions.

I did the Bath Half in a respectable time, nobody in fancy dress beat me which was pleasing! Got some races lined up for the summer.

Easter was fun. I visited a friend in Leighton Buzzard and then went up to Helen & Andy’s in Southport. Helen did a wonderful Easter egg hunt through the house! Leaving little clues all over the place, Iona loved it. And went to Chester Zoo. What a Zoo that is! Spent the whole day there. Lovely.

As you know Iona and I have been visiting the Bridge Foundation. Iona just listens whilst drawing.. but takes it ALL in... You know children, they pick things up when they’re not even in the same room usually don’t they?... I talk about things, every now and then Iona pops up and corrects me if I get the slightest detail wrong.

St. Peters hospice also has a children’s group, spread over the next 8 weeks. It’s for Children who have lost a parent or someone significant. The first day was in March, about 14 children their ages from 4- 16. Iona really didn’t want me to leave but with a little help from Judy Marshall I managed to ‘escape’.Its a all day event, and they go on a ‘journey’ through what they’ve all shared in one way or another. It’s nothing to heavy of course, lots of art work, music, dancing and playing. Iona didn’t complain when I picked her up anyway. Above all it’s helpful for Iona to see she’s not the only child who has lost someone and there are other children going through what she is. They all placed a picture of the special person at a ‘memory tree’ at the end of the day. Two more dates are planned.

Had small drama a few weeks ago. I had a call at one o’clock in the afternoon from the school. The school secretary told me Iona had a bad fall and hurt her head. She said it was really quite bad and could I collect her. The strangest thing happened as she finished telling me.. I remember thinking to myself (albeit for a second) what’s wrong with calling Vicky to collect her? Why call me? Then felt very silly for thinking that. She was still crying when I got there. Iona doesn’t normally cry for that long unless it’s bad. I took her to the Doctors for a check. Iona just couldn’t remember how it happened or who she was playing with and was wobbly on her feet... anyway no lasting damage.

I took last week off and spent a lovely week with Iona. Actually looked after Ella, one of Ony's school friends for a few days. Horse world, horse riding and swimming. Legoland for a couple of days. Laura came to which was nice.

My brother and I helped out with the London Marathon, whilst Ony stay with my sister in law in Cambridge for the weekend.

Joan is down this week and has been occupying her all week. Joan is keeping the flat for a while longer.

I’ve got two Stags do’s..This weekend and next! Get in! Mountain biking this Saturday in Wales and strangely enough the next Stag weekend is up to Edinburgh. Hannah Marsh & Rich are getting married late May and Sarah & Andrew (Skip) in a few weeks.

Hope all you I don’t speak to regularly are all fine.

Oh I called this entry ‘Someone wants to wear sandals’ because I have got some new sandals for Iona (Boden of course very Vicky) and she’s just so desperate to start wearing them, I get asked every day Very soon I hope!

Love

Martin & Iona x

February Update

Hi All

Thought it was time for a quick update. February was a little glimpse of what things will be like in the future for Iona & me. Joan went back to Edinburgh at the start of the month. So it was just Iona and me for a few weeks. Which was fine. The Nanny is working out really well. Jo picks Iona up from school 3 days a week. Jo does her supper and I get home about 7pm. No real issues at all.

Although Iona did take a real tumble on the way home, whilst scooting down by the park. Cuts & bruises on elbows and knees, Jo felt bad when she told me what had happened, Iona just wanted to show me her scars and plasters! Occupational hazard for a six year old daredevil.

What with school friends Birthdays, sleepovers and going to friends for tea on Thursdays (thank you and you know how you are) Iona has had a busy time of it! Oh and not forgetting another horse riding lesson with her best friend Orla. The month flew by. The last week of February was half term. We flew up to Edinburgh on the Saturday, I left Iona up with Joan and came back the next day.

Yet another lovely week for Iona. What with catching up with her cousins, swimming,meeting Georgia (school friend) and a trip to the theatre (to see Lazytown) it work out well. As it always does, she loves Dick Place. Joan then drove her back last Sunday.

I did make the most of my ‘Free Time’ I went out 5 of the 7 nights! Well, can you blame me? No babysitter, that’s a twenty pound saving per night out! I Went to Football, ‘come on you Reds!’ out with the school dads, work colleagues, and Shane. I’m getting fairly fit for the Bath Half Marathon in a few weeks, it won’t be a PB that’s for sure.

I went to the Bridge foundation to talk about Vicky a couple of times in February, and it was good. I’m going there with Iona next week. Iona has been talking about Vicky a little more recently. Just asking a couple of questions. Nothing more than that. I answer them as honestly as I can. Of course it's Mothers Day Sunday. Lovely Helen did suggest a few things we could do to remember V, I’ll update you next time.

Thanks Ali Bradshaw for the really lovely ‘Saha Mum’s photo Album’.

Love

Martin & Iona X

Mid January..

Hi every one
This month has seemed to fly by hasn’t it? I know a lot of you have asked me to blog just to keep you updated with things.

Well, good news, I’ve found a Nanny to help with a few days after school. (Thanks again Diana). Her name is Jo. She’s an absolute find I have to say. She works in the lunch times at Archfield nursery (Iona spent 4 very happy years there), although Jo has only worked there the last year. Iona and Jo get along very nicely. Joan and I really like her to. Early days I know but fingers crossed. She was with her last family for nine years!

I do keep watching out for Iona to show some noticeable reaction to the last couple of months. It’s hard to see anything really out of the ‘norm’. I’ve decided to go to the Bridge foundation, they deal with bereaved families. I want to get some useful advice on what I should be experiencing with Iona, and things I probably will in the future. They must be good, you’ve got to wait weeks & weeks to see anybody! Don’t know if you remember Vicky and I were booked into the Bridge last year, we had an appointment in early November! Anyway a little professional help and advice is always welcome.

Joan is still here in Bristol, helping with lots of things. I had to go on a course last week for a few days, to improve my management skills. Some of my team said 3 days wouldn’t be enough! And 3 years would be more like it!.. Anyway Iona stayed round at Joan's flat, which is such an invaluable help. She has the flat until May. By then I should be into some sort of routine. And remember the fact that clothes don’t wash themselves,things stay where they’re left unless put away and the fridge needs filling. Also school holidays, never bothered me before, funny that? Trying to get cover is a new one on me, Joan to the rescue.

The school mums & dads are still being great. I’ve said it before but it’s worth saying again I know I can count on so many of them for practical or emotional support. It’s so reassuring. Thanks.

This weekend Iona, Laura (my daughter) and I went to Hartland, North Devon. Jacqui & Shane invited us down with their neighbours. Stayed in an amazing farm house. Children and hay bells in a barn, who needs PS3 or Nintendo Wii ? All of the children had a great time. If the kids are happy then we’re happy right ? ‘Lovely lovely lovely’ to quote VW.

Much love

Martin & Iona X.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Hello All,

Update from me, things have settled down since our 'dog napping' saga. With the Christmas build up this December as gone very quickly. In the weeks leading up to Christmas I tried to keep busy sorting Iona's pressies and doing all the things us guys normally take for granted. Apologies if any men reading this and think hang on a minute I do as much as anyone!, but I admit I said that because I normally get off lightly on the Christmas organising. I'm not complaining though, it was a focus that took my mind of things.

Iona and I chose a lovely tree, she did a fab job decorating it. I thought I'd have to redo it once she was in bed but no, it looked fab.

Joan returned to Edinburgh a few days before Christmas with Iona, Laura and I went up on the 23rd. It was the first time in 9 years I was going to spend Christmas day with Laura! usually I'd see her just for a few hours. Laura gets on well with Helen ( Diarmids daughter) and they went out all day Christmas Eve shopping, well and a two hour lunch apparently!

Anna and Ed offered to do Christmas lunch and we all gathered at there house. Well done both of you, it was great. Dick Place would've been difficult without Vicky around on Christmas day. In fact it was extremely hard being in Edinburgh without her. I've never been there without Vic. I was awash with emotions. I miss her so much, and being up there it magnified this void. Time I know will heal. I have to believe that.

Iona was very excited I'm pleased to say though. The arrival of a fat man with a white beard, who drinks at every stop whilst in charge of reindeer's still did its magic. Christmas morning we opened all her presents from Father Christmas and the rest Anna's later. Iona is spending New Year with Joan. She loves being up in Edinburgh. Except maybe when Frankie finds a box of chocolates, eats 16!! yes 16 and gets dog sick. Not pretty.

Thanks for all your cards and messages of support. Diana, huge thanks to you for putting me in touch with Jo, great help. Next year will soon be upon us and I wish you all a very happy 2008. I will continue to blog, to keep you up to date with this new Journey.

Martin X

Dog Nappers!

Hi All

We had some drama here this weekend. Joan was out shopping on Friday afternoon, she’d taken Frankie with her, tied her up when she popped into a shop. When she came out after only being there for a minute or two, Frankie was nowhere to be seen. As luck would have it a community police woman was walking passed. Joan ran up to her and explained the dog was gone. Then to her utter horror the policewoman said she’d just seen a couple walking passed her with a small dog under his jacket!

They both searched in vain for this couple, but eventually had to stop as there was no sign of them. Joan was so upset. As we all were. So Joan call the local paper to see if they’d put a small piece about Frankie. Well when the reporter found out there was a very human side to this story he wanted pictures. And we thought if it was going to help, why not?

A photographer came round late on Friday night and took a pictures of Iona & Joan holding a picture of Frankie. He had to take a few pictures, because Iona wanted to smile! Not good for the heart strings a happy child who’s just lost her favourite dog in the whole wide world!!

On Saturday morning Joan, Iona and I went to the Gloucester Road with posters, and successfully persuaded shop keepers to put them in their windows. We all felt so helpless. Dogs home on standby. We managed the school Christmas fair.

No sooner had we got back home Saturday evening I had a call from a man saying he’d found Frankie that morning. He was very difficult to understand, I thought he sounded drunk. I did eventually get his address, only after he asked me about the reward! And saying my first offer wasn’t much! Now I wasn’t sure if I was being held to ransom, but we just wanted Frankie back. Could this 60 year old man be the mastermind behind it all? Or did he just find Frankie that moring? Paid him anyway.. 10 minutes later Frankie was in the back of my car going bonkers and licking Iona to bits!

Phew! Our emotions were absolutely shot! We were all over joyed to have her back. Joan has vowed never to leave Frankie outside a shop again.

The end!

The generosity from you all was amazing and you donated over £1,650 for St. Peters Hospice and £750 for Zimbabwe Association. Thank you.

I’m not bothering watching Sports personality this year doesn’t seem quite so interesting without V telling me who’s going to win and who shouldn't. Joan is helping so much at the moment which has taken a lot of pressure of me. Well, when she's not trying to get into the papers that is !

Hope you’re all ok.

Martin x.

Memorable Day

It's still quite unbelievable.. The cold fact that Vicky is no longer going to brighten up my days. Looking back over the last six weeks it all went so fast. It does really seem all blurry.
From some small sense of excitement of getting away for a holiday, to this bleak emptiness is really hard. Events unfolding, feeling so so out of control with no way of stopping any of it.

I am thankful for the support I received. I want to start naming you all, but then I run the risk of missing some people out. So I’ll just say a global thank to you all.

The Funeral was so hard. All week I talked myself into thinking I’d be ok. Soon as I arrived, surges of emotion welled up from deep. Glad I did that poem, without going to pieces.Phew that was tough. When I see acts of such kindness it really gets to me. Forgive me if I was a little vague at times but.. Can you imagine just how hard it is to remember all of you? It’s not easy when I knew that you were a really good friend of Vicky’s but I’d only met you once or twice!! And so many of you!! Some of you drove a long way to be there, early starts, we did appreciate it.

From the comments I received everybody thought it was ‘memorable’ it’s hard to use words like lovely, nice and great when you’re describing a funeral. But I know what people meant .Vicky did choose most of what happened on the day. That’s planning for you! And we did try not to waver from that. The people that spoke gave a different perspective from there experiences with Vicky and that gave a really interesting, sometimes funny but very personal interpretation of Vicky. I hope you agree it work well. Iona sat next to her best friend Orla. They didn’t move, just sat and listened. Fab.

I said earlier I didn’t want to thank anybody in particular but I do want to say something about Colstons School. It more that a place of learning for our children, or a great primary school. I certainly haven’t experienced anything like it. With out exception, all you Mums and Dads have been just fantastic. From offers of childcare, Food parcels, the visits, it goes on and on.. All of you with your love and genuine support has made this last year easier to endure. No pressure but I hope that continues.

A lot of you asked me about Iona, well at the moment we haven’t seen an out pouring of grief. She’s six. What can we expect? Who really knows? All we can do is be there when she does need support. Margot gave Iona a beautiful memory box today and a memory book. The book asked questions like what were mummies likes / dislikes. Favourite foods and more direct things regarding death and she wrote quite candid responses. It’s important she knows she has nothing to fear about her future, and with the help of our family and friends we know she has nothing to fear.

We haven’t had chance to sort all of your generous donations yet but will get back to you in the near future.

Martin X

Further Details

Thank you all who have sent such kind messages to us either online or in other ways. We have wanted to make the most of our farewell to Vicky and so with heavy hearts have turned our mind to her funeral arrangements. Like her we hope these will be a little different!

The funeral will be held at Memorial Woodlands, Earthcott Green, Alveston, Bristol on Saturday 24th November. You can find a printable map at http://www.memorialwoodlands.com/contactus.php. There will be a secular service in the chapel there, starting at 11am. After this Vicky's immediate family will then accompany her body to the local crematorium for a short committal ceremony, before we return to join you all.

We hope that everybody will stay and share the food and drink that will be provided in the reception rooms at Memorial Woodlands until and after we rejoin you. We intend to provide mementos of Vicky's life and exploits there and hope that you too will bring along anything you would like to share that will help keep her memory with us. There will also be a Book of Remembrance for you to add tributes.

We have the whole of the Memorial Woodlands site for ourselves until 5.30pm, so hope to get the chance to see you all.

Instead of sending flowers we would prefer that if you wish to do so you make a donation to St Peter's Hospice who cared so compassionately for Vicky and us in her last days. The facility to do this will be provided at the funeral.

Love from Diarmid and Martin