Well, things are getting better after my last chemotherapy hit. Not only did it make me sick this time but my whole body has been aching and my left arm has been throbbing. I did have a bit of a grotty weekend and it was a struggle to feel positive about this situation. Helen and Andy came to stay on Saturday night and lifted all our spirits with their wise and comforting words, humour and great company.
The side effect of the steroids which I have to take for 2 days after my treatment are that they play havoc with your sleep. And the demons come when you're awake at 3am - for me the fears focus on pain in the future, life never getting back to how it was and fears for Iona and how this is all going to be for her.
But today things seem much better - I managed to haul myself out to work this morning and although I felt a bit fuzzy it was good to get away from all this cancer stuff and think about something else. I'll see how it goes.
Vicky xx
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
Hi there Vicky. I missed the bus a few times so now I'm having a lesson in how to leap on and off successfully. Here goes! Sarah Black (SB from now on) xxxx
Ding ding! It worked. I'm on board. Well the first thing I want to do is give you a big hug, so brace yourself here it comes....:-). And one for Martin...:-) and one for Iona...:-).
There now, that feels better.
Oohh sorry, got to get off now as dinner is at the next stop. I'll catch another bus later on and continue this chatter....
SB xxxx
Hi Vicky, Martin & Iona,
Just catching up on your blog after a few days off-line & sorry to hear that the sickness kicked in this time round - I remember having a similar experience with tomato soup when I was suffering with morning sickness and as you say it was off the menu for quite a while! Still, I eat gallons of it again now so it will pass....
Really hope you are now starting to feel better after this round - I still challenge you to look any greener than James did on our Part A training! Keep taking the horse pills, anything that sounds that vile must be doing you some good and we're definite believers in the power of porridge!
Thinking of you every day - keep positive and focussed on beating it into submission. 2 down 4 to go - you're a third of the way there already.
lots of love and huge hugs
Cath, James, Ellen & Alex xx
P.S. I think I tried to call you in the middle of chemo - what dreadful timing sorry! Will try again..!
Me again. I must say that going back to work is a valient effort but if it takes your mind off things (and work certainly does have that effect) then there should be no holding back. I was sorry to read about the sickness - your chemo must be strong stuff. I did want to call you on the Friday but thought you might be feeling too fragile. It seems like me and a million other mates were thinking of you - all this positive energy is bound to take effect sooner or later.
Mum has further chemo this week and next. Her doses are different from yours - she seems to have more. Andy is accompanying her this week and I'm taking a few days off next week to do the same.There is a small amount of very fine hair beginning to appear (on her head) and she told me she had to shave her legs, (but mum's and daughters don't talk about the other hairy bits so that'a all I know!)so you see it does make a comeback.
If feels a little weird chatting to you like this knowing that other people will be reading - as you can tell I'm new to blogging! It's a bit like how I feel if I'm chatting on my mobile when I'm on the crowded park and ride bus commuting - and here we are on the bus again!
Enjoy your porridge in the morning - Peter, Benedict and I are big fans summer and winter...try adding frozen blueberries (cheaper than fresh) at the start of cooking!
Lots of love to Martin. Big kiss to Iona and a special hug to you. You're doing a grand job.
SB xxxxxx
PS Benedict started to walk at the weekend!
Hi! Vicky
We are still thinking of you and wishing you well, this bus is certainly stopping at some pretty miserable stops for you right now - but I am sure the `detour` is a necessary evil. Just wait until the bus is back on the right road again and things will start to buck up. The scenery will be brighter and will cheer you up no end! Stay in the driving seat - you get the best views!
Much love
Muir and Rod xx
Hi there Vicky,
Back from hols and delighted to hear about the healthy liver.
Maybe we could can the conductor - do we really need tix amongst friends? - and get a chef instead, dispensing porridge and horse tablets as he moves along the bus.
Our version of porridge has GOJI berries added before cooking. Most nutrient rich food on the planet apparently... then we spoon in some stewed apple after cooking. Delicious!
You are doing so well. We know those middle-of-night demons and they are little thugs who shd not be on our bus. Can we issue an ASBO?
love to you all. Helen, Quent and Oakley.
Hey there!
Sorry to hear that chemo is getting tougher. But you have to think that with every treatment you are getting closer to fighting those nasties.
You're entitled to have down days and to worry about the future, it's only natural to have these thoughts. Don't expect too much of yourself. In fact I hearby give you a licence to 'Be Grumpy' whenever you feel like it. (Sorry Martin!!)
BUT the important thing is that we are all here to help you through those days to distract you, make you laugh and give you that warm and fuzzy feeling inside!
I think it must be time for Kareoke on the bus....who wants to go first??
Hoping to talk to you very soon, and wishing I could come to the DB Christmas party with you! Remember my Christmas moustache at Cafe Rouge last year, and walking up St Michaels Hill in silly shoes????
Lots of Love
Sarah Oz xxx
P.S. It seems I'm going to have to choose a new name for myself as there are just too many Sarah's on the bus and even another SB!! Common as muck I am! So I'd better be Sarah Oz from now on!
Hi Vicky,
First attempt at getting on the bus. So sorry to hear about the night time demons, it must all seem so miserable in the middle of the night, Georgia often wakes me around about then, feel free to send me a text and if I'm up we can have a natter. In fact, call me any time. Big Hug and see you very soon for a skinny latte!
Hi Vicky,
Just read all your blogs in one go and I'm so impressed at how you are going about things. The same Vicky I've always admired. I am so pleased that it looks like your liver is not affected. I'm surrounded by lots of examples of people living with long years with cancer, if anyone can do it you can.
Lots of love Jo xx
Hi Vicky So sorry to hear you haven't been feeling so well. Hope you're feeling much better now. I love reading your blog and love to see all the fantastic replies and comments from all your friends.
Everyone this end is asking after you including Kevin Moss, John's university friend who was over from Washington with us last night. I have recommended your blog and I would think you may hear from him and his wife Amy soon.
Christmas is definitely just round the corner. We put up our tree last night with Kevin's help and emailed a picture to his wife. She's a rabbi in Washington so we're not quite sure what their community will make of the picture.....! Really looking forward to seeing you and Martin and Iona in Edinburgh before round three and the half way mark. What plans to mark the end of course 6?
Lots of love, hugs and happy thoughts from all of us to all of you
Margot, John, Rowan, Ceara and Lochlan :-) x x x
ps When I can't sleep at night (often) I flick through all those free brochures that come through the post. Its a great way to switch off your mind if you don't want to think - and might help keep the demons at bay.
Vicky
The night time demons sound like the pits - I can't imagine how horrid they are. We have all been so impressed with how you have dealt with the whole thing, right from the start but it's difficult to guess just what must be going on in your mind. So many people are right here with you, cheering you on and you certainly do have a lot of lovely sounding friends to support you and help you keep up the fighting spirit. As with a lot of grim things, though, there is at least one good thing (that I know of) to have come from your situation. Your blog has an addictive quality to it that means that where I used to sneak up to the study in the evening in the vain search, on ebay, for that perfect party dress for Daisy (you know the one, the one that's pink and floaty,that looks like it's Boden but has a Tesco price tag!), now I spend the time checking out the latest news from you and the replies from your mates. Much more rewarding, and much kinder on the wallet.
Haven't seen you for a few days so I hope you're feeling a bit better and will be on form for Christmas.
See you soon
Diana xxx
Hi Vicky,
How many people do you know called Sarah B ??? From now on I'll be signing as Barney.
I need to know what colour your bus is -is it a LRT maroon job ? Or is it a Bristol colour-what colour are buses in Bristol anyway? What number should it be ? I always think of getting the number 5 when I think of you. I shall soon reveal all...
Love and hugs. Please don't have nightmares. Drink lots of camomile. It works on Isabella.
Barney.
Hi Vicky
A late arrival at the bloggers' ball I feel like the last person to contribute to a discussion 'going round the circle for comments' and really just wanting to say rather pathetically 'everyone else has said what I want to say already'!
Anyway it has been great to finally get on line and read all about it on your blog - thank you so much for setting it up.
Tall Sarah has been nagging me to look for ages so I've come in to work on my mat leave, never getting on-line at home. How sad is that.
We (family Green) are thinking of you all the way on the bus journey. Eloise would be delighted to give you multiple renditions of wheels going round, wipers going swish etc., I am sure.
Have been trying to think of a good joke around moulting brown but am sure you were blonde when I last looked (too long ago).
I too was delighted to see the lovely piccy of Iona so grown up. Last time I saw her she was a tiny baby!
Good luck with everything me dear
Lots of love
Waf x
PS If you are interested we apparently have a blog too (I take no responsibitily for the content), same address as yours, but 'danandwaf' - I hope you're a bit flattered as I have looked at yours first!!
Oh dear, no blog update tonight - am now down £13 on a coat from ebay for Sam - will let you have the bill when I next see you Vicky.
Diana
xxx
ps still no luck with that perfect party dress though
Hi Vicky,
Sorry to hear about the night demons - doesn't sound good - your night is still my evening so feel free to call and have a friendly voice who will talk back. Actually call any time, as I'm sure the whole bus will agree!
Sorry the Canadian cold cap idea didn't appeal but you're probably right, as they say here, 'you would have frozen your butt off!'
Onwards to the next stop, we're still with you,
love Ali xxx
hi vicky
it was great to catch up with you (and jacqui, shane and little ern) yesterday for a long lunch after work. I was thinking about why I had enjoyed it so much and realised that it was because it was 'just like normal'. Thinking on I realised that it wasn't 'just like' normal at all, it was just 'normal'- if you know what I mean.
I know your demons partly focus on life never being normal again, but I hope this new (if slightly modified) normal helps quash them.
Lots of love
Absxxx
Hi Vicky, I am so glad the bus has come past this way again! I kept missing it, never at the bus stop on time! (No suprise, bit like school bell) Make room for 4 more on this journey.
We are thinking of you.
With loads of love
Alison, Richard, Ellie and Alice xxxx
Don't let those night demons get you. Apart from the fact that there is a bus full of passengers in the bedroom with you (now there's a thought...), the sailors on night watch are with you, keeping things pointing in the right direction until the darkness of the night makes way for the most glorious of sunrises.
Happy Christmas xxx
Well - what a fantastic detour your bus has just made. It came to a stop at Fold End and it was tremendous to see you again. Vicky you are looking really good and never have I known you more positive. What a lovely guy Martin is - we feel as if we have known him for ages - and he is so good for you - you make a delightful `couple` - how old fashioned is that!!! What can I say about Iona - she is a thoroughly charming little girl and I am sure giving you both an enormous amount of pleasure. (apart from the odd tantrum you told me she gets - but you know I don`t believe you! She is only five and a half and at that age I believe you are entitled to have little moments that adults cannot understand!!)I just hope it is not too long before we get to see you all again.
Must go now - back to `phase two` of the alterations!!!
Good Luck for Tuesday - we will be thinking of you.
Much love to you all
Muir and Rod. xxxx
Post a Comment