Memorable Day

It's still quite unbelievable.. The cold fact that Vicky is no longer going to brighten up my days. Looking back over the last six weeks it all went so fast. It does really seem all blurry.
From some small sense of excitement of getting away for a holiday, to this bleak emptiness is really hard. Events unfolding, feeling so so out of control with no way of stopping any of it.

I am thankful for the support I received. I want to start naming you all, but then I run the risk of missing some people out. So I’ll just say a global thank to you all.

The Funeral was so hard. All week I talked myself into thinking I’d be ok. Soon as I arrived, surges of emotion welled up from deep. Glad I did that poem, without going to pieces.Phew that was tough. When I see acts of such kindness it really gets to me. Forgive me if I was a little vague at times but.. Can you imagine just how hard it is to remember all of you? It’s not easy when I knew that you were a really good friend of Vicky’s but I’d only met you once or twice!! And so many of you!! Some of you drove a long way to be there, early starts, we did appreciate it.

From the comments I received everybody thought it was ‘memorable’ it’s hard to use words like lovely, nice and great when you’re describing a funeral. But I know what people meant .Vicky did choose most of what happened on the day. That’s planning for you! And we did try not to waver from that. The people that spoke gave a different perspective from there experiences with Vicky and that gave a really interesting, sometimes funny but very personal interpretation of Vicky. I hope you agree it work well. Iona sat next to her best friend Orla. They didn’t move, just sat and listened. Fab.

I said earlier I didn’t want to thank anybody in particular but I do want to say something about Colstons School. It more that a place of learning for our children, or a great primary school. I certainly haven’t experienced anything like it. With out exception, all you Mums and Dads have been just fantastic. From offers of childcare, Food parcels, the visits, it goes on and on.. All of you with your love and genuine support has made this last year easier to endure. No pressure but I hope that continues.

A lot of you asked me about Iona, well at the moment we haven’t seen an out pouring of grief. She’s six. What can we expect? Who really knows? All we can do is be there when she does need support. Margot gave Iona a beautiful memory box today and a memory book. The book asked questions like what were mummies likes / dislikes. Favourite foods and more direct things regarding death and she wrote quite candid responses. It’s important she knows she has nothing to fear about her future, and with the help of our family and friends we know she has nothing to fear.

We haven’t had chance to sort all of your generous donations yet but will get back to you in the near future.

Martin X

Further Details

Thank you all who have sent such kind messages to us either online or in other ways. We have wanted to make the most of our farewell to Vicky and so with heavy hearts have turned our mind to her funeral arrangements. Like her we hope these will be a little different!

The funeral will be held at Memorial Woodlands, Earthcott Green, Alveston, Bristol on Saturday 24th November. You can find a printable map at http://www.memorialwoodlands.com/contactus.php. There will be a secular service in the chapel there, starting at 11am. After this Vicky's immediate family will then accompany her body to the local crematorium for a short committal ceremony, before we return to join you all.

We hope that everybody will stay and share the food and drink that will be provided in the reception rooms at Memorial Woodlands until and after we rejoin you. We intend to provide mementos of Vicky's life and exploits there and hope that you too will bring along anything you would like to share that will help keep her memory with us. There will also be a Book of Remembrance for you to add tributes.

We have the whole of the Memorial Woodlands site for ourselves until 5.30pm, so hope to get the chance to see you all.

Instead of sending flowers we would prefer that if you wish to do so you make a donation to St Peter's Hospice who cared so compassionately for Vicky and us in her last days. The facility to do this will be provided at the funeral.

Love from Diarmid and Martin

Stop all the Clocks...

We know that you are all waiting for more news, and all of you are dreading the message that leaves all of us shattered and empty, and will change our lives completely. But we are so sorry to let you all know that our dearest, lovely Vicky died this morning at 3.15am. She fought a very brave fight but was, thankfully, pain-free at the end. She wasn’t on her own as Martin, Anna, Diarmid and Kerstin were with her while Joan was unselfishly looking after Iona. Afterwards Kerstin swapped roles with Joan, allowing Joan to see Vicky.

Vicky’s last thoughts were on her dearest Iona. Vicky was clearly put at ease as Anna showed her pictures of her lovely girl.

We are now arranging the funeral, but as you know this takes some time. We will gather in Memorial Woodlands (www.memorialwoodlands.com) on Saturday 24th November. We will tell you the final details as soon as we know them.

With love from Vicky’s family

New surroundings

As Vicky's brother (Diarmid, special request blogger!) I have been given the task of making sense of the last few days. As a doctor myself by training, it can be difficult to separate the medical facts from the emotional response.

Readers of Martin's last blog will know that the news was very bad last week. During the holiday to Spain Vicky became very ill very quickly and the scan on her return showed that the cancer had spread to the lining of the brain and the spinal cord. This is not only very difficult to treat effectively but causes extremely unpleasant symptoms of awful headaches, neck stiffness and vomiting. It's really a low grade meningitis.

The priority for Vicky has therefore been to reduce inflammation and swelling around the brain and relieve her headaches and sickness. It has taken some time to really get this under control, with a terrible up and down 2 or 3 days, during which her immediate family (Joan, Anna, myself and my wife Kerstin and my kids) have travelled to be with her, but with injections of steroids, strong painkillers and anti-sickness drugs, she is now alternating between relaxed sleep and times of alertness, when she is her usual funny and strong-willed self, generally trying to get the family organised!

This morning Vicky was moved with her consent to St Peter's Hospice, where the surroundings are much more relaxed than the Oncology Unit and the focus is very much on maximising the pleasure Vicky and her family can get from what are almost certain to be her last few days or weeks.

She seems to be wonderfully calm and concerned more for her family and friends than herself, dispensing hugs to her nephew and niece (Helen and Andrew), among others today. Iona seems to be understanding and participating in her own way what is going on, and her smiling and laughter with her cousins has been a great comfort to us all.

Over the last few days we owe many thanks to many people (particularly but not exclusively!) Jackie, Hannah, Shane and particularly from me and Andrew, Skye the cat.

Thanks for all of your very kind messages. As ever we are relaying them to Vicky.

Diarmid X