I knew there was something wrong and Dr Braybrooke confirmed it - the cancer has spread to my liver and my brain. I'm starting radiotherapy on my head on Monday for a week and then more chemo the week after for 6 3-weekly sessions. The radiotherapy will make my hair fall out...but that's the least of my concerns right now. Dr B still thinks that it is worth treating because of the good response last time but it's going to be tough.
The bottom line is this thing is definitely going to get me sooner rather than later - I know it, we all know it and I need to work out how I'm going to deal with it.
It's a complete, total, gut wrenching fu!&%r.
Please don't feel you have to leave a message - who knows what to say at a time like this.
Vicky x
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51 comments:
Vicky,
You're right, I have no idea what to say but that's no reason to not leave a message. As with everyone else I'm sure, I'm thinking of you all.
Love,
Karen x
Don't know what to say but so you know your bus is full of people right there with you I thought I would write. I will be there with you and will be there for Iona whenever you and Martin need me to be.
I am sure we - all the bloggers - will get it wrong sometimes, say stupid things, offer the wrong support but amongst that will be the good stuff and it will all be done with love for a very special person.
See you very soon Hannah X
Vicky-We are all thinking of you so very hard- I know I, and everyone on this bus would move mountains to help in any way we can- just know that we are all here for you all in whatever way we can be.
Sending you lots of love and hugs
Vanessa
xx
Just don't know what to say but that every thought is with you.
Lucy x
Dearest Vicky - this is definitely the hardest time of your life and a time that you need to be stronger than ever. If all the love and energies from your family and friends were to be stacked up they would stretch higher than a mountain of buses. This is just a small testimony to the wonderful person you really are. You have to stay as positive as ever and keep fighting. You know we are thinking of you always.
Much love to you Martin and Iona
Your friends in the North
Muir and Rod xxxxx
Dear Vicky
I don't feel like I have to leave a message and you're right - I've no idea what to say. Just want you to know that we're still here, still thinking of you and still wishing you didn't have to go through this.
with lots of love
Lisa
Vicky
At such a difficult time, we just want you to know that we are still here for you, and still sending positive vibes to you.
Loads of love Hels, Lou & Lesa xxx
Vicky, we are here too, along with all your amazing friends. We're holding your hand all the way. We'll do anything in the world to help, you need only ask. We love you very much.
Sarah, Maurizio and Isabella.
Vicky,
We are thinking of you and sending all the support, positive vibes and energy that we can muster in your direction,
Martin and Debs in St. Albans
Thinking of you and sending you all the love we possibly can.
Zo xx
Oh God I don't know what to say. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love Jo x
We are going to have to put this bus into top gear. There is a therapeutic arsenal out there, it sounds like your guys are getting ready to attack with everything they've got. You must keep strong amd make ready for battle. This is war.
much love
Claire
Dearest Vicky,
Others on the bus have said what there is to say. I especially endorse the wisdom and care expressed by Rod and Muir.
None of us know what tomorrow, next week, next month or next year might bring. The fact is we are all here NOW. We are seeing, sensing, loving, laughing, hugging, holding - we are 'being'. Hold on to that and concentrate on your 'being' and your 'now' as you seize what today has to offer.
And we are right with you as you do that, our gutsy and beautiful girl.
So much love
Ian & family xxxx
Vicky
Just adding my love too. Thinking of you all.
Emma x
Mum asked me to send her love and let you know that she and her church are praying for you.
Zox
Terrible news but we want to leave a message so you know we are sending love and thinking of you all constantly.
Love Ali and Rik xxxx
Dearest dearest Vicky
There is nothing I can add that Daddy Dickens hasn't already said. You know that we are thinking of you and as with all your friends if you need anything you must just shout - we are always here.
With much much love
Liz, Scott and Elouise xx
Thinking of you Vicky, and of course Martin and Iona. Even though I can't think of anything to say, I wouldn't want the bus to leave without the Williams family.
S
Hi Vicky
It's Helen's friend Anita here. I just wanted to say that you are often in my thoughts and I send you, Martin and Iona a big hug, all the positive vibes that I can muster and I also wanted to say that you are an example to us all. In such difficult times, you still manage positivity an humour. I can't imagine what you are going through but stay strong, enjoy every new day (even these bloody awful rainy ones) and just live in the moment.
Lots of love from Liverpool
Anita xx
Just to say that we're here for you whenever you need us. Thinking of you and love to all.
Kathryn, Gerry and girls
Dear Vicky,
stay brave, lots of love sent from us.
Love Jenny, Mat, Millie and Amber xxxx
Hi Vicky,
Judy just told me your sad news, and I just wanted to say that you, Martin and Iona are very much in my thoughts at this difficult time. Keep strong and keep fighting this "f@*c{^r".
Lots of love and best wishes
Steve X
Dearest Vicky,
You are not alone, we are all with you, you have our love and prayers in the fight ahead.
love
James L
Thinking of you
t
xx
Vicky, I really don't know what to say just like you said. It is horrible news. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you!
Lots of love, Sanne
Have been following your journey through Sue (as have all the St Albans gang)...
...Sending more positive wishes and prayers...
Sarah K
xx
Dear Vicky
I wish you the best. You are a strong woman (in more ways than one). Fight it girl x
Selin (Ali's friend from Canada)
We dont really know what to say either except that we do so admire you Vicky, and our thoughts are with you all.
With love,
Jim and Jennifer.
Vicky, we're thinking about you, Martin and Iona.
Sending you loads of love
Kate & Chris
Vicky
We're all a little lost for words and reeling from the latest news, but not leave a message? No way - so many people want you to know they're still here on the bus, thinking of you and sharing at least a tiny part of the pain you must be experiencing. What you are going through is so unimaginable and so unfair. The dignity and strength with which you have faced every blow you have been given is hugely admired.
Thinking about you all, so many times a day
Diana x
Hey Vicky
Words fail me. Not just the sheer, bloody mindf$%k of your situation. More than that. You continue to be such an inspiration - determined, eloquent, beautiful and generous. We're all better people for knowing you and we're going to keep this bus on the road. Love to you, Martin and Iona. Angie xx
Dear Vicky,
We have been following you all the way and we have been amazed at the courage and strength that you have shown.Dig deep and take strength from your family Martin Iona and all your many friends around you.
Love and kisses
Bish and Sarah.
xxxx
Like lots of bloggers I am lost for words that I think would make any difference. Thinking of you, Martin and Iona even though we have never met.
Sue xx (Helen's colleague Liverpool)
Hi Vicky,
I was so upset to read your latest post. But Quent put me right. Where there is treatment there is hope. Genuine hope. And real hope is a very, very powerful thing.
If our health system sees fit to put its very scarse resources your way, our hope can burn bright and long.
May hope and love fuel this bus up the steepest hills with you.
Our love, thoughts and admiration.
Helen, Quent and Oakley.
xx
Vicky,
We have followed your blog and had you in our thoughts ever since you started 'Get on the bus' but have not commented before.... but now more than ever, we felt compelled to say; you are in our thoughts, prayers and we send you positive thoughts.
If you feel like you want to go out on the water, our comfortable cruising boat is in Poole... its an open invitation to all of you.. anytime....we have space at the house as well.
With all our love Bella, Paul, Harrison and Jasmine De La Haye.
Hi Vicky,
I'm still reeling from your news so goodness knows how you must feel today. Typical Vicky, though, you post some awful news on your blog and are then concerned about the rest of us not feeling obliged to comment. You're too considerate! Loved Quent and Helen's philosophy that where there's treatment there's hope. I'm hanging onto that thought today. Maybe if this packed bus fills itself with positive thoughts, we can make something wonderful happen. Anyway, you know I'm here for you, whenever you need me, through all the ups and downs. Andy sends his love too. Big hug to Superman and your little Princess aswell.
Helen xx
Vicky,
You are by far the bravest girl I know. I haven't posted any messages before but both Ed and I certainly have been thinking of you, Martin and Iona. Stay strong and take care.
Much love from us all Downunder
Fleur, Ed, Harry and Ben xx
Dear Vicky
Just wanted to let you know that you, Martin & Iona are in my thoughts constantly.
Be strong, I know you will be.
Love, Nicola, Iain, Charlotte & Thomas (Prince) xx
Vicky,
My darling girl, what can anyone say. I was telling Ange last week how amazing you looked and now this. Thinking of you all. Book those holidays!
Much love strength and hope in the months ahead.
Jayne.x
Hi Vic,
I've just returned to work to discover your latest news and I'm lost for words...
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you big time and like everyone else I'm on the bus and with you on this long and winding road. You are more than my colleague/manager... I'm not lying to say you have probably been the most inspirational person to me so far in my life.. the amount of encouragement, support and guidance you have shown me is far beyond any teacher and I hope right now I can give just a little of that back to you. Just a phone call away if you need a chat, babysitter.. anything.
Lots of love to you - and not forgetting your hero and mini hero too! xxx
Vicky,
After hearing your latest news and visiting your blog several times, words still fail me.. but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you all. Stay strong and keep thinking positive.
Lots of love
Jo xxxx
Been more of a bus-spotter til now but you're all so much in my thoughts at the moment that I've jumped aboard. I've always thought you were pretty amazing, Vicky, but your courage and humour in the face of this undeserved curse has been humbling. From the sounds of it Dr B wouldn't put you through this treatment needlessly, so there is hope and an expectation that you will continue to amaze us all. There's nothing we wouldn't do to make this better for you, Martin and Iona.
Much love
Sandra, Antony, Sophie and your biggest reading workshop fan xxxx
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most horrible time. Keep fighting Vicky we are all here to support you however we can, All my love.
Trish
Dearest Vicky,
So much love and good wishes are coming to you, Martin and Iona from us here in Scotland. We are thinking of you and wishing you well with all our hearts.
Amanda, Peter, Ollie and Darcy xxxx
Hi Vicky
I wanted to e-mail you but only had your work address so I'm blogging. I wanted to say how lovely it was to spend some time with you in Bordeaux. I was going to e-mail you some photos, but now you're just getting a message instead! I'm so sorry to hear of your set back, but as you said, you reacted well to the last lot of treatment, so carry on being strong and keep fighting.
Sorry we won't be seeing you in Q/S anymore, but hopefully we'll catch up again soon. Take care, and enjoy spending more time with Iona
Elly xx
Dearest Vicky, Echoing Daddy Dickens' and other comments - however long or short a time you may have, every precious moment, hug, smile, laugh you have, particularly with Iona and Martin, are worth fighting for. Grab the opportunity with both hands and enjoy all the things you love best in life (including fat face and red wine!) here and now. Let tomorrow and the day after take care of themselves. Thinking of you all and like so many others, any help you want or need is yours.
With all our love Cath, James, Ellen & Alex xx
Thinking of you and Praying for you.
Love,
Joyce and Bryan
xxx
Vicky,
This feels incomprehensible and oh so wrong. It shouldn't be happening to you our shining star. You are so special and so loved.
What we do know is that the cancer has responded well to treatment before but also that it is shifting about.
Watching Ellie live with cancer has taught me one thing, that all we have is now and that sometines our response to things such as chemo surprises. We have to keep going.
Plan to do something that lifts you every day - a smile, a hug, flowers, touch, good food. Build on the small things when things are rough and live each day or each moment at that time. You know we are all there with you.
Martin - I want to give you a hug and offer you all and any support I can that may help you. It is excruciating and exhausting to be the one who witnesses and it sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job. Call whenever.
Love to you all
Grace x
Vicky,
Everyone who supports you tries to understand what it's like to have cancer but it only touches the surface. Evan having simular drugs to you (steroids yuk!) you feel as if no-one else could possibly feel the same way and unexplainable weird side effects. You're not alone and having people there for you is what counts.
When i was first ill you came to visit in hospital and were one of the few people who stuck out in my head and got me through the toughest times.
Now its my turn and i think you should take back that strong fightingness you gave me coz it made me better and you should use it for yourself. Have some more of your fightback back coz your the strongest person i know and no-one else is as strong.
We are all here for you if your invincible fightback gets tired. Because evan superheroes need a rest
Love Ellie xXx
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