It's still quite unbelievable.. The cold fact that Vicky is no longer going to brighten up my days. Looking back over the last six weeks it all went so fast. It does really seem all blurry.
From some small sense of excitement of getting away for a holiday, to this bleak emptiness is really hard. Events unfolding, feeling so so out of control with no way of stopping any of it.
I am thankful for the support I received. I want to start naming you all, but then I run the risk of missing some people out. So I’ll just say a global thank to you all.
The Funeral was so hard. All week I talked myself into thinking I’d be ok. Soon as I arrived, surges of emotion welled up from deep. Glad I did that poem, without going to pieces.Phew that was tough. When I see acts of such kindness it really gets to me. Forgive me if I was a little vague at times but.. Can you imagine just how hard it is to remember all of you? It’s not easy when I knew that you were a really good friend of Vicky’s but I’d only met you once or twice!! And so many of you!! Some of you drove a long way to be there, early starts, we did appreciate it.
From the comments I received everybody thought it was ‘memorable’ it’s hard to use words like lovely, nice and great when you’re describing a funeral. But I know what people meant .Vicky did choose most of what happened on the day. That’s planning for you! And we did try not to waver from that. The people that spoke gave a different perspective from there experiences with Vicky and that gave a really interesting, sometimes funny but very personal interpretation of Vicky. I hope you agree it work well. Iona sat next to her best friend Orla. They didn’t move, just sat and listened. Fab.
I said earlier I didn’t want to thank anybody in particular but I do want to say something about Colstons School. It more that a place of learning for our children, or a great primary school. I certainly haven’t experienced anything like it. With out exception, all you Mums and Dads have been just fantastic. From offers of childcare, Food parcels, the visits, it goes on and on.. All of you with your love and genuine support has made this last year easier to endure. No pressure but I hope that continues.
A lot of you asked me about Iona, well at the moment we haven’t seen an out pouring of grief. She’s six. What can we expect? Who really knows? All we can do is be there when she does need support. Margot gave Iona a beautiful memory box today and a memory book. The book asked questions like what were mummies likes / dislikes. Favourite foods and more direct things regarding death and she wrote quite candid responses. It’s important she knows she has nothing to fear about her future, and with the help of our family and friends we know she has nothing to fear.
We haven’t had chance to sort all of your generous donations yet but will get back to you in the near future.
Martin X
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10 comments:
Dear Martin
I think we were all amazed at your composure and also that of Vicky's family on Saturday - we could only imagine the emotions you must all have been feeling and your sense of loss.
The day was so Vicky; a beautiful setting, moving music and heartfelt tributes shared with so many of her friends. Even though it was the saddest occasion I have ever attended - funerals should be full of the old not the young - and we shed lots of tears there was also some laughter as people shared happy memories of time spent with Vicky.
As for your memory, there is nothing more to say than Vicky had obviously schooled you well!
I know being in London means that Scott and I are unable to do much on a day to day basis but we will stay in touch and
I would still love to make my trips to Bristol.
With love to you, Iona and Vicky’s family.
Lizzie H-B
Martin, Iona, Joan and all the family and close friends
What a priviledge to have shared Vicky's goodbye with everyone on Saturday. It was such a hugely emotional but vibrant day and really brought home to me what a fulfilling life Vicky has had. The complete sadness of the loss of Vicky to everyone was tempered with this thought. I hope it will be of some comfort to you in the next weeks/months/years. And what a turn out! The tributes, poems and music were all heart renching and my IPOD now has the Abba and Mara tracks loaded onto it - absolutely beautiful. I shall have to stop playing them as I'm running out of tissues. I played them to the children yesterday morning as we lounged in bed and I talked to them about how we had said goodbye to Vicky. Sam has instructed me that he would like 'Who let the dogs out' and 'Is this the ways to Amarillo?' at his funeral! Martin, just let us know what we can do to help - we will continue to be there for you as long as you can put up with us!
Love from Diana. Matt, Sam and Daisy
It was truly a memorable day, very sad but uplifting to realise just what a full life Vicky led. You all did so well to organise that for us in spite of your own grief. I am glad that you posted again, Martin. It feels good to still have a line of contact even if we don't live close by. Just remember that you can count on us anytime in the future.
Love & hugs to you all,
Claire & family
Hi Martin,
Thanks so much for writing another message to us all. I had heard a bit about the funeral from my Mum (who was one of the many new faces you met)and work friends, but it means alot to hear from you.
Andrew & I lit a candle for you all at the same time as the funeral (which was night time for us). We stood out on our balcony for a long time talking about our memories of Vicky, shedding alot of tears and saying our goodbyes from the other side of the world.
It will take a long time to heal, but rest assured that the bus is still overflowing with love and support for you, Iona and Vicky's family. We're all still here for you and look forward to sharing more happy times with you when we are next back home.
We love you.
Sarah & Andrew xx
To Martin, Iona and Family.
i dont know if you remeber me but im vicky and i used to babysit...You came to my wedding two years ago. I just wanted to say how very sorry i am to hear of the sad news about Vicky, i was terribly upset when i found out and just wanted to say how sorry i am and that my thoughts are with you all at the sad time. remember Vicky at her best and she will always glow in your hearts xxx Vicky Green xxx 07771 633559
I'm also very glad to be able to come back to Vicky's virtual clan, as her influence continues. For a start, I'm totally converted to humanist services!
Though terribly sad, it was such a positive approach, if that makes sense. There was no awkwardness, just people sharing their feelings (and tissues), talking about Vicky's vibrant life and saying goodbye. Such days pass in a blur while lasting for ever. All the family and friends involved did her proud at what is surely the hardest thing they will ever have to do. Thanks, Martin, for writing again.
Incidentally I too have put a couple of the songs on my iPod. Possibly a bit of a mistake listening to them on the No73 bus along Oxford Street, though...
Much love to all, Charlotte
Martin,
What a day of mixed emotions that must have been.
Suzi and I felt very privileged to meet more of your and Vicky's friends.
It was lovely to see how close your Laura and Iona are.
I look forward to seeing you on the little princesses social scene. And maybe out for a run too?
All the best,
Luke
Dear Martin,
Well done to you, Vicky, and all the family for putting together such a very lovely service on Saturday. It was just "right" for Vicky and all the tributes to her were wonderful. We can all take some small comfort in knowing that although her life was way too short, she packed more into her 41 years than most manage in 80!
I was in Bristol on Tuesday and my brief walk out of the office at lunchtime was very sad. It didn't feel right that I was there without Vicky being there in her home town - my links with Bristol (including my current job) are because of Vicky. I would never have thought that I would have ended up actually working in the same organisation as Vicky but I am so pleased I did albeit for too short a time. I will miss my Bristol friend hugely.
You did brilliantly on Saturday Martin. So strong. Vicky would be proud of you all as well as gutted to have missed an occasion with all her family and friends together in one place!
The next few weeks and months will be tough I'm sure but stay strong and come and see us soon in the New Year and call any time.
With our love,
Judy, Steve, Ellie xxxxx
Dear Martin,
I wanted to tell you how sad I am about Vicky's death and how much I will miss her. I find it very hard to get to grips with the fact that she isn't around anymore. She truly was one of the lovliest people, funny, caring and always a great friend and you two made a great couple (that was plainly obvious from the first and memorable "blind date" meeting we had to carry Vicky back home from!)
Forgive me for being late saying those things to you. I wanted to get in touch earlier, but initially I couldn't put my feelings into words and then two days after Vicky's death I had to drop everything and fly to Germany where my dad was admitted to hospital with a very serious condition indeed. This was also the reason why I didn't manage to attend the funeral. I really wanted to be there to say good bye to Vicky and also hold your hand in support and say that I would like to be there for you and Iona whenever possible. Please just let me know what I can do to help.
With lots of love to you and Iona,
Barbara (Edinburgh)
Dear Joan,
I was so shocked to read in yesterdays Evening Post that your dog Frankie has been snatched from outside the Pound shop on the Gloucester Road. It is incomprehensible that someone does such a thing. I really hope Frankie will be found soon, so you can enjoy his companion again in this difficult time.
Inge X
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